


This is It

by faegal04



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Song Lyrics, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:58:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faegal04/pseuds/faegal04
Summary: Dean reflects back on all that happened when he and Sam split up in Season 5. They never got back together and Sam says yes to Lucifer.





	This is It

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for @loveitsallineed 1K follower Celebration. I got the song “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons. Song lyrics will be in italics. This is also all in Dean’s perspective and there will be no dialogue.

I didn’t know that the last time I saw my brother would really be the last time, and if I had known that phone conversation we had would be the last time I talked to ‘my Sammy’, I would’ve made more of an effort to say I’m sorry. Instead, I was a dick and let my anger fuel the fire that was burning deep in my belly. He wanted back in to help fight the devil but I couldn’t see past the betrayal of him picking Ruby over me, past the loss of Ellen or the agony I felt every time I thought of Jo. So, I told him we were better off alone, feeling the heavy weight of Dad telling me that it was my job to take care of Sammy but I just couldn’t get past this.

Even after he told me that he was Lucifer’s meat suit, I still said no. Fuck, I wish I could change it now, I’ve begged Cas but he said that he didn’t have the juice to send me back to fix it; after Cas couldn’t help, I prayed, I prayed so damn hard to Ezekiel, to Michael, hell I even tried Gabriel thinking that maybe he somehow survived, but not one damn angel would answer me. I saved as many as I could, for as long as I could, and each small victory tasted like ashes in my mouth. So what did I do? I fell into a bottle of cheap whiskey, thinking it would give me the absolution I desperately craved, and it didn’t. I lived inside that bottle for six months while the world slowly turned to shit.

The night before Sam was supposed to say yes to the devil, Bobby and Cas found me three sheets to the wind in a fleabag motel that advertised hourly rates, with some blonde that looked like she had seen better days. Bobby tore into me for over an hour that night, then he and Cas had shoved my ass in Baby. Bobby drove like a mad man all night to make it to Detroit in time.

Cas fed me coffee until my hands shook, my heart was racing and my stomach was rolling from too much caffeine.

> _Whoa, oh, oh_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh_

In the end it was all for nothing, by the time we fought our way into that hotel and found the right room-Sam was gone and the poor bastard that Lucifer had been wearing around was dead on the floor.

> _Whoa, oh, oh_
> 
> _Whoa_

The world fell apart more quickly now that the Devil was in his true vessel. Within a few months, wars broke out, the weather turned absolutely crazy-Kansas was eradicated from the earth because of Tornados. Then, fuck, then the Croatoan Virus started to spread like wildfire.

> _I’m waking up to ash and dust_
> 
> _I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust_
> 
> _I’m breathing in the chemicals_

Here I am, five years later, with a bottle tipped over on the table next to me. The sweet, smooth brown liquid dripping onto the floor, a naked woman next to me-I think her name is Rissa, and all I can do is run a hand down my scruffy face as I think about what’s to come. The air no longer smells fresh and new, it’s death and the lingering effects of the chemical weapons that the government used trying to save us.

> _I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_
> 
> _This is it, the apocalypse_
> 
> _Whoa oh_

Today is a scavenge mission, I’m headed into a hot zone with fellow survivors, the only one left who means anything to me is Cas. He’s the only one I trust to have my back, after Bobby was infected and I put him down, something finally broke in me leaving me empty, cold, dead inside.

> _I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones_
> 
> _Enough to make my system blow_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive_

Today I scavenge for those that can’t fight and for those that will be left behind because tomorrow…tomorrow I fight the devil. I can’t think of him as Sammy anymore, he hasn’t been that in so long. I should have the Colt in my hands after this mission and with it I’m going to kill what used to be my baby brother.

> _I raise my flag and dye my clothes_
> 
> _It’s a revolution, I suppose_
> 
> _We’re painted red to fit right in_
> 
> _Whoa oh_

Cas and Chuck will be in charge today, only one of them knows what I’m after and he is so far gone on pills and orgies that it’s hard to think that he was once an angel. When I get back we’ll have a party, one last hurrah before the end for so many of us. I should feel bad for what I’m going to do, but I don’t if I had had the balls to do it five years ago it wouldn’t have come to this.

> _I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_
> 
> _This is it, the apocalypse_
> 
> _Whoa oh_

I finally free myself from the tangled mess of arms, legs and blankets and sit on the side of the bed. I wait for the world to stop spinning and my stomach to hold down last night’s booze while my joints ache and pop from all the fighting I’ve done in my life. I’m so tired, I can’t wait for it to be over.

> _I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones_
> 
> _Enough to make my system blow_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive_

I stand slowly, reaching for a full bottle to kickstart my day; I can hear the sounds of the others moving around, laughing, joking about the old days and all I can think of is tomorrow I lead my closest friend and people who trust me to their death. Clearing the way for me to fight the devil.

> _All systems go, the sun hasn’t died_
> 
> _Deep in my bones, straight from inside_
> 
> _I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones_
> 
> _Enough to make my system blow_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Welcome to the new age, to the new age_
> 
> _Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive_


End file.
